The natural reactions of most stalking victims, however, aggravate the problem and increase the likelihood of violence.

Case after case reveals the same patterns:

1) Victims deny the problem, which instantly puts them at a disadvantage.

2) Then they try to bargain with their stalkers, thereby establishing a dangerous precedent of allowing him to control their actions.

3) Anxiety sets in. Never knowing when or where he's going to turn up or what he's going to do next, they can think of little else. They start to short-circuit mentally and emotionally.

4) Exhaustion follows, along with profound depression. Then self-esteem starts to disintegrate.

5) Victims start to blame themselves.

6) Eventually, they get angry, so angry that they're ready to do almost anything to get the stalker out of their life.

7) Finally, they accept what life has become. Only then can they start to deal with the situation objectively.

The stalking victim - rather than the stalker - is the person whose behavior has to change (since the stalker certainly won't). It's not fair, and most people don't like hearing this. But if you want to protect yourself and your loved ones, it is reality.

To find out what to do if you become the target of someone's inappropriate and obsessive attention, visit our regaining control page. You can regain control of your life. For more detailed information and solid advice based on case histories, read Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe (Marlowe & Company, 2000), by Linden Gross. "For victims, this report can be a light at the end of the tunnel," says actress Tina Sinatra, herself a stalking victim and advocate, "I urge everyone to read it.".