SVS | Support

Dear Readers,

The Stalking Victims' Sanctuary is an Amazon.com associate. Welcome to our bookstore. Inside, you'll find resources for those of you dealing with stalking or domestic violence issues, including books for professionals in various arenas. This means you can educate yourself AND raise money for the Sanctuary-all without leaving your computer.

Here's how it works: Browse through our selections. When you find a book you would like to purchase, simply click on its title and you will be linked to Amazon. Once you're at Amazon, you can read more about the book and choose to purchase it and any other books you like. Each time you follow a link from our bookstore to Amazon, the Stalking Victims' Sanctuary collects a small commission on the purchases you make, which will help us maintain and continually improve our website community. If you are interested in purchasing several books that we have listed in our bookstore, please know you can toggle between our book list and Amazon's website and still keep all your books in one order. Simply follow the first link to the first book, put it in your "shopping basket," use the "BACK" button to return to the Stalking Victims' Sanctuary bookstore, follow another link to the second book, add it to your same "shopping basket," and so on. If you experience problems with this or any other feature of the bookstore, please email us.

Since our book list is long and will hopefully get longer, we've divided it by subject: Stalking, Personal Safety, Healing, Children & Teens, Violence Prevention & Treatment, Professional Resources & Discussion. When appropriate, we've listed some books under multiple headings. We've also tried to include descriptions of the books whenever possible.

You can also help support the Sanctuary whenever you do any shopping at Amazon.com-regardless of what you buy. Simply get to Amazon using our link to their homepage, or by using the Search Amazon feature we also provide.

Thank you for visiting our bookstore, and we hope you will find many valuable resources within. Whenever you shop at Amazon, please get there via the special links on the Stalking Victims' Sanctuary, so that we receive credit for your purchases. You'll get Amazon's usual discount prices and excellent services (including gift wrap and shipping worldwide), and you'll be supporting a valuable cause. Best wishes and happy shopping!

***STALKING***

Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe

by Linden Gross

Currently, there are limited resources documenting and detailing the dangers of and solutions to the burgeoning problem of stalking. In this revised and updated version of her book, To Have or To Harm, the first book ever written about the stalking of ordinary people, Gross profiles cases that dramatically reveal the extensive dimensions of the problem. Her analysis helps clarify a dynamic infused with misinformation and confusion. In addition to profiling stalkers and their victims, Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe delves deeper into the subject, covering police and legal issues, behavioral and psychological patterns that lead to an escalation of violence, the approach the Los Angeles Police Department has pioneered to address the problem, and how victims can best deal with being stalked.

The Gift of Fear : Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

by Gavin De Becker

Gavin de Becker, the nation's leading expert on predicting violent behavior, proves that we are all qualified to answer life's highest-stakes questions. "True fear is a gift," he says, because it is a survival signal that sounds only in the presence of danger; yet unwarranted fear has assumed a power over us that it holds over no other creature on earth. It need not be this way. In this book, de Becker shows that you can already predict violent behavior. Through dozens of compelling stories from his own career, he lays out the pieces of the human violence puzzle and shows how you can solve it by paying attention to the subtle-and sometimes blatant-signals of intuition. As he says, "You can refuse to be a victim." Filled with unique and surprising insights into human behavior, The Gift of Fear will help you separate real from imagined danger, give you confidence in a sometimes threatening world, and make your life measurably safer.

Stopping a Stalker : A Cop's Guide to Making the System Work for You

by R. L. Snow (Editor)

From Booklist , May 1, 1998:

to avoid and discourage stalkers, and case histories abound. Snow breaks down stalking into more specific kinds of threatening behavior, including "cause," "revenge," "serial," and "electronic" brands of stalking. He even covers the "unintentional and third-party victims of stalking." His writing is controlled, spare yet descriptive, and, most important for true-crime appeal, documented. In the case histories, for the most part, he gives dates, names, and specifies places. For the purpose of a grim guide to life or as background material on current crime trends, it would be hard to beat the facts, clear narratives, and sound advice that Snow provides.

Stalking : A Handbook for Victims

by Emily Spence-Diel

The author herself describes her book: "This book is a practical and easy-to-read guide designed to help victims of stalking renew their quality of life and turn the tide against the stalker. It is written under the guiding belief that knowledge is power. The book contains hundreds of pragmatic suggestions based upon the author's research and extensive experience working directly with stalking victims. It provides a review of stalker profiles, safety strategies, tips to build a prosecutable case and ideas to help victims recover from the trauma of being tormented and followed. Given the short attention span that often accompanies traumatic experiences, this book is purposefully short and divided between several segments that are easy to digest and quick to read."

The Psychology of Stalking : Clinical and Forensic Perspectives

by J. Reid Meloy (Editor)

A reader from Nebraska writes:

An excellent academic resource for studying stalking Meloy's book provides a thorough analysis of stalking from the top researchers and practitioners in the field. It presents a variety of theoretical conceptualizations on this crime from several different professions (e.g. psychology, criminal justice, private security). This book is comprehensive and well organized. In a field that is often over-run with "pop-psychology" and "true crime" novels, this books provides a truly academic resource for persons who research stalking or work in the threat assessment field. It is a MUST BUY for all professionals concerned with the crime of stalking.

The Stalking of Kristin : A Father Investigates the Murder of His Daughter

by George Lardner Jr.

"This is Kristin's story. I'd give anything not to have written it." Kristin Lardner's father won a Pulitzer Prize for a series of Washington Post articles about this promising young art student who was killed by a jealous ex-boyfriend. In this expanded book version he makes the important point that Kristin did everything right. She was educated and sophisticated, and had the time and resources to make the law work for her. And she was a member of the class of people who believe the law when it promises to protect them. With a parent's rage, and an impressive command of the facts and statistics, George Lardner refutes the widespread belief that the courts offer effective protection to battered women who do report their abusers and press charges. The book includes photos of Kristin's artwork about abuse of women and 80 pages of footnotes and bibliography about the legal system.

I Know You Really Love Me : A Psychiatrist's Journal of Erotomania, Stalking, and Obsessive Love

by Doreen R. Orion M.D.

Erotomania is the most bizarre disorder of obsessive stalkers - the delusional belief that their victims are actually in love with them. I Know You Really Love Me unfolds like a psychological thriller, as Orion finds herself engulfed in Fran's erotomanic fantasy and unsuccessfully tries to free herself of her patient, pseudonym Fran. This demanding, calculating woman doggedly follows Orion state-to-state, and continues to stalk her to this day - eight years and counting. In this painfully honest account you will follow the victim as she struggles to regain control over both her personal and professional lives. In the process, she educates herself about this little-understood mental disorder and meets other victims. She includes case histories of stalking victims, from David Letterman and Madonna to a woman rabbi, an Olympic athlete, and scores of others; unbelievable true stories of the depths to which the wily stalker will go - such as "The Tunneler," who dug his way beneath an apartment building to get at his victim; cases that led to murder, of either the victim or the stalker. In a final section the author discusses the need for adequate treatment and punishment of erotomanics, and points out problems in existing anti-stalking laws and ways to strengthen them. A guide to organizations that assist victims, plus protective measures to deter a potential stalker or erotomanic, are provided as well.

***PERSONAL SAFETY***

Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe

by Linden Gross

Currently, there are limited resources documenting and detailing the dangers of and solutions to the burgeoning problem of stalking. In this revised and updated version of her book, To Have or To Harm, the first book ever written about the stalking of ordinary people, Gross profiles cases that dramatically reveal the extensive dimensions of the problem. Her analysis helps clarify a dynamic infused with misinformation and confusion. In addition to profiling stalkers and their victims, Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe delves deeper into the subject, covering police and legal issues, behavioral and psychological patterns that lead to an escalation of violence, the approach the Los Angeles Police Department has pioneered to address the problem, and how victims can best deal with being stalked.

Defending Our Lives : Getting Away from Domestic Violence and Staying Safe

by Susan Murphy-Milano

This is one of the first books to offer practical, step-by-step advice to battered women on how to protect themselves from violent abuse in the home. Author Susan Murphy-Milano is the founder of Project: Protect and is one of the most visible and vocal advocates for victims of domestic violence.

Thousands of women are abused, battered, stalked, and killed by their husbands, boyfriends, lovers, and partners every year. While the O. J. Simpson trial raised domestic abuse to the forefront of public consciousness, no one has offered women concrete advice on how to protect themselves and get safely away from their abusers. In Defending Our Lives, Susan Murphy-Milano, the founder of Project:Protect, presents the first comprehensive guide to the options available to battered women as well as to the family and friends who want to help them. With detailed, practical information, Murphy-Milano guides women through the process of protecting themselves from domestic violence and stalking. She explains what domestic violence is, how to deal with the police and enlist their help, how to make the decision to leave, what steps to take during the actual move, how to secure one's home after leaving an abuser, how to navigate the legal system, how to ensure the safety of one's children, and how to defend against stalking. Family and friends can be crucial in this process, and throughout the book Murphy-Milano suggests numerous ways in which they can help. Defending Our Lives is a much-needed resource in the struggle of millions of women to protect themselves from domestic violence and stalking.

Strong on Defense : Survival Rules to Protect You and Your Family from Crime

by Sanford Strong

Domestic Violence and Abuse : How to Stop It!

by Cheryl Anne Woodard, Ed Sherman (Editor), Charles Edward Sherman, Alana Bowman

This book gives step-by-step instructions on how to get a restraining order and work with police agencies to be sure the orders are enforced. Before even thinking about a restraining order, however, the woman must know about the predictable cycles of domestic violence and how to make plans to protect herself immediately and in the future.

[Sanctuary note: For information about the dangers associated with restraining or protective orders, please consult the various pages on this site or look at Linden Gross' book Understanding & Surviving America's Stalking Epidemic.]

Stopping a Stalker : A Cop's Guide to Making the System Work for You

by R. L. Snow (Editor)

From Booklist , May 1, 1998:

Sadly, this book could hardly be more timely, what with reports of stalking making news, especially when celebrities are involved, and all manner of anti-stalking laws popping up. Snow aims mainly to teach how to avoid and discourage stalkers, and case histories abound. Snow breaks down stalking into more specific kinds of threatening behavior, including "cause," "revenge," "serial," and "electronic" brands of stalking. He even covers the "unintentional and third-party victims of stalking." His writing is controlled, spare yet descriptive, and, most important for true-crime appeal, documented. In the case histories, for the most part, he gives dates, names, and specifies places. For the purpose of a grim guide to life or as background material on current crime trends, it would be hard to beat the facts, clear narratives, and sound advice that Snow provides.

Stalking : A Handbook for Victims

by Emily Spence-Diel

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Privacy for Sale : How Computerization Has Made Everyone's Private Life an Open Secret

by Jeffrey Rothfeder

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Safe, Smart & Self-Reliant : Personal Safety for Women & Children

by Gerri M. Dyer (Editor), Foundation for Crime Prevention Education

From Booklist , May 1, 1996

Common sense, consumer information, and scholarly research form the basis of this detailed handbook. Initial chapters cover potential dangers found in various areas of life-shopping and entertainment, the car and driving, public streets, the home, work, and traveling-and describe simple techniques for reducing their risks. Later chapters highlight the special vulnerabilities of children and adolescents, avoidance and survival of rape, and physical defense strategies. Each chapter concludes by summarizing key points and providing scenarios for discussion. Altogether, hundreds of strategies for resisting crime appear in the context of a carefully organized, empowering approach that acknowledges women's ability to be responsible for their and their children's well-being. –Kathryn Carpenter Copyright© 1996, American Library Association. All rights reserved

'Be Street Smart - Be Safe' Raising Safety Minded Children

by Nily Glaser

The publisher, GAN Publishing , November 22, 1997 writes:

The book "Be Street Smart - Be safe" Is available from Amazon. This is an INTERACTIVE, POSITIVE FUN BOOK which teaches children to BE AWARE of strangers, or strange behavior by others, without making them fearful. The premise of the book is that there is no need to worry or be afraid if you know what to do. The book stresses what is safe and poses the question "but what if?" It is written entirely in rhyme and introduces CAREFUL LEE the hound who advises the children. Since it "grows" with the children it is just as much fun, and just as useful to a kindergartener as it is to a 6th grader. Yet, even three years old children who are being read to, enjoy repeating CAREFUL LEE's refrains. Both parents and especially grandparents found "BE STREET SMART - BE SAFE" to be a giving gift. Working with the children through the book, gave the adults peace of mind and many thanked us for having published it. We also had requests for "Be Street Smart - Be Safe" from schools. Most have no purchasing budget for it, but wanted to know how they could GIVE a free book to each of their students. Their inquiries gave birth to Gan Publishing's ADOPT A CLASS, -, ADOPT A SCHOOL PROGRAM. The book and its author, a retired school principal, have been featured in the press, on radio and on T.V. nationwide.

On the Safe Side : Teach Your Child to Be Safe, Strong, and Street-Smart

by Paula Statman

A guide for parents shows how to protect children from molestation, abduction, and abuse without making them fearful by teaching them to use caution and good judgment, emphasizing self-esteem, and discussing issues in simple, matter-of-fact language. Includes sample scripts for difficult conversations written in positive, matter-of-fact language.

***HEALING***

Walking on Eggshells : Practical Counsel for Women in or Leaving a Violent Relationship

by Brian K. Ogawa

Describes the feelings experienced by many women who are in relationships where physical and psychological abuse are present. This book summarizes the nature of such relationships and presents specific ways a woman can respond to the violence realistically and responsibly. Through the personal accounts of women who have been in abusive relationships and the unique therapeutic approaches to suffering and recovery, these questions are given straightforward answers. This book provides practical and sensitive counsel on a serious and pervasive problem. It does so in a positive manner and with a firm belief that no woman should live in fear or be subjected to violent behavior.

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Every Eighteen Seconds : A Journey Through Domestic Violence

by Nancy Kilgore

Kilgore uses fifteen passionate letters to tell her son about the events that and circumstances that led her to leave his father, her abuser. The combination is powerful and revealing. This is what abuse looks and feels like.

Battered but Not Broken : Help for Abused Wives and Their Church Families

by Patricia Riddle Gaddis

This book offers step-by step intervention techniques and resources for assisting victims of domestic violence and challenges the church to take a stand against this crime, which is a leading cause of injury and death to women in the United States.

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Battered Wives

by Del Martin

Midwest Book Review writes:

Battered Wives is the first (and still the best) general introduction to the problem of abuse. Battered Wives includes excellent critical summaries of the legal and political status of battered wives and the extent to which their immediate predicament must be understood in broad political terms. Del Martin argues that the basis of the problem is not in husband/wife interaction or immediate triggering events, but in the institution of marriage, historical attitudes toward women, the economy, and inadequacies in legal and social service systems. Martin wants police and prosecutor functions constrained. She proposes specific legislation prohibiting wife abuse and suggest that judges protect the wife by closing the door to probation and de-emphasizing reconciliation. Other recommendations concern gun control, equal rights, and marriage contract legislation. Battered Wives is the seminal, benchmark title on the subject of domestic violence.

When Love Goes Wrong : What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right

by Susan Schechter, Ann R. Jones

Full of moving first-person stories and drawing on the authors' 15 years of experience working with women in controlling and abusive relationships, When Love Goes Wrong provides guidance and practical options for the millions of women whose partners have crossed the line between love and control. "A much-needed, personal 'how-to' book for every woman with a controlling partner. It takes her step-by-step through the stages of awareness of what's going on, to finding support and protection, to reclaiming her life."--Del Martin, author of Battered Wives

Safe People : How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

by Henry, Dr Cloud, John Townsend (Contributor)

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid. Safe People will help you to recognize 20 traits of relationally untrustworthy people. Discover what makes some people relationally safe, and how to avoid unhealthy entanglements. You'll learn about things within yourself that jeopardize your relational security. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do to develop a balanced, healthy approach to relationships.

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Ending the Violence : A Guidebook Based on the Experience of 1,000 Battered Wives

by Lee Harrington Bowker

Domestic Violence and Abuse : How to Stop It!

by Cheryl Anne Woodard, Ed Sherman (Editor), Charles Edward Sherman, Alana Bowman

Should You Leave

by Peter D. Kramer

In his phenomenal bestseller Listening to Prozac, Peter Kramer explored the makeup of the modern self. Now, in his superbly written new book, he focuses his intelligent, compassionate eye on the complexities of partnerships and why intimacy is so difficult for us. With the art of a novelist and the skill of a brilliant psychiatrist, Kramer addresses advice seekers struggling with such complex questions as: How do we choose our partners? How well do we know them? How do mood states affect our assessment of them and theirs of us? What does "working on a relationship" truly entail? When should we try to improve a relationship, and when should we leave? Equally at home with Shakespeare, Emerson, and Kierkegaard as it is with Freud and Jung, Should You Leave? is a literary tour de force from a uniquely insightful observer and a profoundly resonant and helpful approach to resolving dilemmas of the heart.

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New Beginnings : A Creative Writing Guide for Women Who Have Left Abusive Partnerships

by Sharon Doane

Doane, who directs a county-wide domestic violence prevention program in New York and leads weekly creative writing classes for abused women, has discovered that women are able to rebuild self-confidence and regain a positive sense of self through writing. This book provides a framework for dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship as well as concrete steps that help women to discover their own creativity and strength.

Getting Free : You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life

by Ginny Nicarthy

The most important self-help book of the movement to end domestic violence. It has helped change the lives of thousands of women. Over 135,000 copies in print.

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Making the Connections : Women, Work, and Abuse

by Patricia, A., Ph.D. Murphy

Challenging reading by one of America's most outspoken advocates that contains different plans of action to radically alter how survivors can be helped by both the healthcare and rehabilitation communities. Includes eleven first-person accounts of rape, incest, prostitution, and verbal and emotional as well as physical abuse as told in the actual words of survivors, along with alternatives for bringing survivors back into society and reestablishing their work identity. Coverage includes post-traumatic stress disorder, use of vocational experts: no-fault divorce, domestic torts, wrongful death, civil sexual assault cases, and suits involving incest, pornography, and prostitution, feminist vocational rehabilitation model and extensive appendices.

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A Career & Life Planning Guide for Women Survivors : Making the Connections Workbook

by Patricia A. Murphy

Abuse is so crippling that many who survive never function again as productive members of the work force, regardless of capacity. Coverage includes empowerment exercises to: overcome denial; deal with vulnerability, flashbacks, and dreams; describe the trauma experienced; list personal negative abusive experiences; direct a successful vocational future; work toward empowerment, TIPS that provide valuable suggestions and practical solutions, ample resources throughout the text to increase its power, and plenty of space to write responses to questions, situational issues, and problem-solving situations. This workbook is dedicated to addressing all of the issues survivors must face, up close. For use by professionals working with women survivors or by individuals themselves or with family members.

Working Together to End Domestic Violence

by Peter G. Jaffe (Editor), Nancy K. D. Lemon, Jack Sandler, David A. Wolfe

This is a clear, authoritative and practical reference for victims of domestic violence and for those who want to help them. Addresses the full range of types of family violence, including abuse of children, women, and the elderly within the family. It also considers the issue of family violence from a historical, psychological, legal, and service delivery perspective. This book contains concise summaries of extensive research findings and useful reports of intervention strategies. It is a resource and a catalyst for individuals, communities, and corporations to work together to end domestic violence.

Abused Men : The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence

by Philip W. Cook

When most people think of domestic violence, images of battered women or abused children come to mind. But there is another side to this issue that is not as familiar--abused men. This unique book is the first to comprehensively examine this important but neglected social issue. Already praised by a diverse spectrum of readers--from "Dear Abby's" Abigail Van Buren, to the nation's leading domestic violence researcher, to those in law enforcement and counseling--this work is sure to spark controversy and discussion. It offers gripping, emotional stories, self-help for victims, and provocative insight into public issues, and provides a basic reference source for professionals. Abused Men presents practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female.

In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships

by Barrie Levy

Teenagers in abusive dating relationships often cannot find the words to ask adults for help and may feel too ashamed to talk to their peers. This new book gives teens the courage to bring a potentially harmful situation out into the open, end the cycle of abuse, and forge the way for healthy and loving relationships.

Defending Our Lives : Getting Away from Domestic Violence and Staying Safe

by Susan Murphy-Milano

This is one of the first books to offer practical, step-by-step advice to battered women on how to protect themselves from violent abuse in the home. Author Susan Murphy-Milano is the founder of Project: Protect and is one of the most visible and vocal advocates for victims of domestic violence.

Thousands of women are abused, battered, stalked, and killed by their husbands, boyfriends, lovers, and partners every year. While the O. J. Simpson trial raised domestic abuse to the forefront of public consciousness, no one has offered women concrete advice on how to protect themselves and get safely away from their abusers. In Defending Our Lives, Susan Murphy-Milano, the founder of Project:Protect, presents the first comprehensive guide to the options available to battered women as well as to the family and friends who want to help them. With detailed, practical information, Murphy-Milano guides women through the process of protecting themselves from domestic violence and stalking. She explains what domestic violence is, how to deal with the police and enlist their help, how to make the decision to leave, what steps to take during the actual move, how to secure one's home after leaving an abuser, how to navigate the legal system, how to ensure the safety of one's children, and how to defend against stalking. Family and friends can be crucial in this process, and throughout the book Murphy-Milano suggests numerous ways in which they can help. Defending Our Lives is a much-needed resource in the struggle of millions of women to protect themselves from domestic violence and stalking.

What to Do When Love Turns Violent : A Practical Resource for Women in Abusive Relationships

by Marian Betancourt

In this country, a woman is physically abused every nine seconds. One in four women is battered by a husband or boyfriend. One-third of all female homicide victims are killed by domestic partners. This critical reference is a source of hard facts to help women seek protection through law enforcement and the justice system, get assistance from the healthcare system, and find answers to their questions.

The first part spells out an action plan to get out of danger and find immediate help. The second part details how to stay safe and regain control over your life. For quick reference, What to Do When Love Turns Violent includes a state-by-state directory of domestic violence hot lines, and a listing of the national organizations devoted to helping victims of domestic violence. Consulting this sourcebook is the crucial first step to breaking the cycle of domestic violence. There is help out there, and What to Do When Love Turns Violent empowers you to find it and take back your life.

The Domestic Violence Sourcebook : Everything You Need to Know

by Dawn Bradley Berry, Dawn Bradley Berry

A reader from Boston, MA writes:

Educational, offers practical help and lists of resources. The Domestic Violence Sourcebook offers a comprehensive look at the issues surrounding domestic violence. Historical, psychological, social, familial, and legal issues are each covered in separate chapters. Prevention and treatment is addressed near the end of the book, as well as guidelines for people who are affected. An up-to-date (1998) list of resources concludes the book. This book was invaluable to me as both an educational and a resource tool for graduate research into domestic violence and substance abuse. The material is well-organized and presented in an easily accessible format. The content is useful whether you're a researcher or a general reader.

When Violence Begins at Home : A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding and Ending Domestic Abuse

by Karen Wilson

The author reflects on her 17 years on the front lines working against domestic violence after surviving an abusive relationship herself. Karen Wilson provides a comprehensive manual for counselors, legal professionals, and victims of abuse, addressing behavioral patterns, the role of alcohol and drugs, how to leave abusive relationships, legislation on domestic violence, and more.

With great understanding and empathy, this definitive guide fully addresses the needs of multiple audiences, including battered women from various backgrounds, teenaged victims of dating violence, educators, employers, community leaders, legal officials, and even the batterers themselves. Special chapters clarify the responsibilities and limitations of friends and family, shelter employees, health-care providers, law-enforcement officers, employers, counseling professionals, and clergy and help them to recognize when a woman's life is threatened and how to respond accordingly. Appendices provide safety plans that a woman can use to systematically approach surviving an attack and preparing for her escape. A comprehensive listing of local and national resources directs anyone invested in this issue to information and an extensive network of people who can help. "This book will be the bible of domestic violence advocates for years to come." -Del Martin, author of Battered Wives.

Breaking Free from Partner Abuse : Voices of Battered Women Caught in the Cycle of Domestic Violence

by Mary Marecek, Jami Moffett (Illustrator), Jeanne W. Lindsay (Designer), Jamie Moffett (Illustrator)

Dangerous Relationships : How to Stop Domestic Violence Before It Stops You

by Noelle C. Nelson, Marcia G. Lamm

The author, Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., E-mail: dr.noelle.c.Nelson@worldnet.att.net writes:

More than four million Americans fall victim to domestic violence each year. Even the famous, including Tina Turner, Greg Louganis and Brett Buttler, are not immune. Millions of words have been written addressing the violence already taking place in homes across the country, but very little attention has been given to how to prevent domestic violence from happening in the first play. That's why I wrote Dangerous Relationships: How to Stop Domestic Violence Before It Stops You.

Domestic violence does not occur in a void. There are common characteristics that run through most domestic violence relationships. Readers can use this information to stay clear of relationships that exhibit the signs that may be preludes to violence. Dangerous Relationships is written from the perspective of the battered individual. It uses four distinct relationships to show how the aggressive partners behave in certain characteristically predictable ways, which almost always leads to violence. The predictability of an abuser's behavior is what makes domestic violence, to a large degree, preventable. These relationships appear, at first, quite different from each other: Mary and John (heterosexual lovers), Bob and Karen (husband and wife), Peter and Tony (homosexual lovers), and Teri and Ann (platonic roommates). As these real-life scenarios develop in the book, readers will realize that these relationships have much in common--all have the same underlying dynamics that foster domestic violence--whirlwind beginnings, possessiveness, a Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde personality, victim blaming, verbal abuse, insensitivity, and finally, violence.

I write both from personal and professional experience. I have been a victim of domestic abuse, and as a psychologist and trial consultant, I have worked with hundreds of individuals caught in the pain of domestic violence. It doesn't have to be this way! Dangerous Relationships will help you see the way through the pain to a healthy love--the kind that doesn't include visits to the emergency room.

Before It's Too Late : Helping Women in Controlling or Abusive Relationships

by Susan E Pickering, Robert J. Ackerman

No Visible Wounds : Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women by Their Men

by Mary Susan, Phd Miller

DOES YOUR PARTNER . . .

have sudden outbursts of anger or rage?
become jealous without reason?
prevent you from seeing friends and family?
deny you access to family assets such as bank accounts, credit cards, or the car?
control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
insult you or call you derogatory names?
humiliate you in front of your children?
turn minor incidents into major arguments?

If you or someone you know can answer "yes" to the questions above, chances are you are suffering from nonphysical battering--controlling, tyrannical behavior that is just as damaging to a woman's self-esteem as a broken bone or a black eye. An experienced counselor who works with abused women, Mary Susan Miller breaks the silence that surrounds this devastating form of domestic violence. She identifies the many types of nonphysical abuse--verbal, emotional, psychological, social, and economic--and explores why this outrageous treatment of women continues unabated in our society.

Dr. Miller also shares the stories of many survivors who have escaped their abusive relationships. Their experiences--with law enforcement, the legal system, and the community itself--can help prepare any woman for the decision of whether to stay or leave the relationship. And if she decides to go, Dr. Miller offers sound guidelines on how to protect herself and her children, since a woman's decision to leave is usually the time she is in the most danger from her abuser. Finally, Dr. Miller inspires hope: You can break free of the nightmare of nonphysical battering and heal, once again engaging in a life of integrity, dignity, and peace.

Domestic violence against women is not limited to physical assaults. In No Visible Wounds, veteran counselor Mary Susan Miller breaks the silence that surrounds this devastating form of abuse, identifies the many types of nonphysical battering, and explores why this outrageous treatment of women continues unabated in our society.

Adult Children of Abusive Parents : A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

by Steven Farmer

A history of a childhood abuse is not a life sentence. Here is hope, healing, and a chance to recover the self lost in childhood. Drawing on his extensive work with Adult Children, and on his own experience as a survivor of emotional neglect, therapist Steven Farmer demonstrates that through exercises and journal work, his program can help lead you through grieving your lost childhood, to become your own parent, and integrate the healing aspects of spiritual, physical, and emotional recovery into your adult life.

This book examines the lack of boundaries, chaos, denial and rigid role-playing that exist in dysfunctional families--and then reveals the ways to overcome them. "An important contribution to the Adult Child literature."--Charles Whitfield, M.D., author of Healing the Child Within.

Toxic Parents : Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

by Susan, Dr. Forward, Susan Foward, Craig Buck (Contributor)

When you were a child...

Did your parents tell you were bad or worthless?
Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you?
Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems?
Were you frightened of your parents?
Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret?
Now that you are an adult...
Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child?
Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents?
Do your parents control you with threats or guilt?
Do they manipulate you with money?
Do you feel that no matter what you do, it's never good enough for your parents?

In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward drawn on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents -- and discover an exciting new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.

Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse

by Gregory L. Jantz

Whether you or a loved one has been abused by words, actions, or even indifference, this book will help you understand the effects of the abuse, give you insight into the problems of the abuser, and show you how to overcome the past.

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The Obsidian Mirror : An Adult Healing from Incest

by Louise M. Wisechild

Personal Growth Editor's Recommended Book:

Louise Wisechild was one of the first writers to graphically depict her incest story and frame it as a journey of healing. Despite her frightening memories, you'll feel safe in the strength of Wisechild's narrative. Wisechild is as steady as they come, yet she's still sensitive and fully alive despite all that could have left her numbed and crippled. Statistics suggest that one-third of all women experienced some form of sexual abuse as children. As a model for collective healing and storytelling, The Obsidian Mirror remains one of the best literary companions available.

The Mother I Carry : A Memoir of Healing from Emotional Abuse

by Louise M. Wisechild

A reader writes:

This book is a must-read!!!! Louise Wisechild is a perfect name for this author. She has been through so much, and yet manages to live her everyday life with aplomb. This book was hard for me to read because it hits so close to home. It helped me see options I have as far as dealing with my family and also ways I can self-manage the pain I was feeling. Her first book, The Obsidian Mirror, focused more on her therapy and her childhood physical abuse. This second book focuses on the emotional abuse heaped upon her by a mother who refused to acknowledge what was happening. I consider this book a must-read for anyone who has issues with their family members who did not actively participate in the abuse.

The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself

by Beverly Engel

With the insight and sensible, compassionate guidance which have distinguished her previous books, A Right to Innocence and Divorcing a Parent, Engel addresses one of the biggest segments of the recovery audience--and one of its most pressing issues: the emotional abuse of women by those they work with, live with, and love.

A reader writes:

Read this for your own self-esteem. Engel gives a concise description of what emotional abuse is, and the types of abusers and victims. She helps to uncover the patterns and reasons for abuse, ways to recover from it. Like many women in emotionally abusive relationships, it was very difficult for me to even see it occurring. Her book is a constant reminder of how to stop the cycle, both for me and for my children.

A Woman Like You : The Face of Domestic Violence (New Leaf Series)

by Vera Anderson (Photographer)

Vera Anderson's unique volume of photo-essays shows the faces of brave women (and children) who have escaped situations of domestic abuse and prints each woman's story--in her own words--beside her portrait. Anderson sums up each entry with one sentence describing the woman's life after her escape--from happy to harrowing endings. "Their mother is serving a sentence of life in prison without the possibility of parole for the death of their father," concludes one of the testimonials.

Women of all ages, races, and backgrounds look directly into the camera, answering the common question: What sort of a woman would stay in an abusive relationship? "You. Me. Our daughters. Our mothers. Our grandmothers. The faces of these women, survivors all, are poignant reminders that the questions we ask are so often the wrong ones." In the introduction to A Woman Like You, Anderson writes, "Friends would say to me, 'I never knew. You don't look like a battered woman.' I agreed. But then, what did a battered woman look like? The truth is, battered women are all around us. We just don't recognize them, because they look like us."

Impossible to read without empathy and rage, this work's power is its simple and bold presentation. A Woman Like You puts faces to a heinous social problem, but it also gives hope that freedom exists, however paradoxical.

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It Could Happen to Anyone : Why Battered Women Stay

by Ola W. Barnett, Alyce D. Laviolette

Captive Hearts, Captive Minds : Freedom and Recovery from Cults and Other Abusive Relationships

by Madeleine Landau Tobias, Janja Lalich

A reader in Australia writes:

A must-read for former cult members. I wish I had found this book immediately after leaving the cult I was involved in. This book offers invaluable assitance to those who have been involved with a destructive cult, whether it be relgious, political or psycho-theraputic. The text gives former members indications of what to expect in recovery as well as practical assitance to cope with their recovery. The text also gives a breakdown of how and why cults operate as they do; how and why people get recruitted into cults; and how and why people leave cults. This book is truly a gift from the authors' heart, experiences and study. Thanks to them.

The Stress Owners Manual : Meaning, Balance & Health in Your Life

by Edmond W. Boenisch, C. Michelle Haney, Ed Boenisch

Drs. Boenisch and Haney offer practical strategies for taking charge of your life by learning to control your thinking. You can strengthen your beliefs and attitudes to prepare for what life will bring by:

Thinking "real" by monitoring your thoughts to avoid self-limiting "hook" words like "never," "should," "must," "can't," "always," and "ought."
Maintaining a sense of humor and strong social ties.
Seeing possibilities.
Being assertive, honoring your own rights while respecting others'.

The book includes revealing questionnaires or "maps" to help pinpoint specific stressors and effective techniques for lifelong stress management.

***CHILDREN & TEENS***

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Conspiracy of Silence : The Trauma of Incest

by Sandra Butler

The first book to appear on what was, until then, unspeakable and unspoken. It has become the classic reference and guide to the complex issues of child sexual assault.

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To Tell the Truth

by Renee Peterson (Illustrator), Brian K. Ogawa

A full-color illustrated book for children eight years and older to help guide them through the criminal justice system. To Tell the Truth is written to help children tell the truth in court about something scary or bad that happened. To Tell the Truth is an informative introduction to police, prosecution and court proceedings, and is applicable in all states. It mentions Children's Advocacy Centers as places where people assist child victims and witnesses, and expands nomenclature as appropriate in different jurisdictions.

Cool Cats, Calm Kids : Relaxation and Stress Management for Young People

by Mary L. Williams, Dianne O'Quinn Burke (Illustrator)

Combining kids' love of animals with sensible tips for handling minor upsets, Williams' book Cool Cats, Calm Kids : Relaxation and Stress Management for Young People draws on cats' "nine lives" for nine secrets to stress management that are easy, informative, and fun. Among the Cat Secrets revealed are:

Secret #1: TAKE CATNAPS ("This saves energy for what's really important!")
Secret #3: HISS...PUFF UP... ("Stand up for yourself, and work out a fair solution.")
Secret #9: HANG IN THERE ("Persistence pays off.")

With charming illustrations by Dianne O'Quinn Burke and a section on stress-busting strategies for parents, teachers, and counselors, Cool Cats, Calm Kids teaches simple stress-reduction exercises in an inviting format.

Treating Abused Adolescents

by Eliana Gil

John Briere, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Psychology, University of Southern California School of Medicine writes:

Because abuse-focused therapists tend to specialize in either children or adults, adolescent abuse survivors are often neglected by clinicians. Fortunately for all concerned, Eliana Gil has written a wonderful and insightful book on treating this specific population. As usual, her writing sparkles with humanity, intelligence, and technical prowess. And, as usual, I went straight to the famous Eliana-and-the-client dialogues: no one demonstrates the nuts and bolts of (very good) therapy like Dr. Gil

The Journal of Feminist Family Therapy writes:

There's nothing more reassuring in this day of multiple theories and grandiose therapeutic claims than to read the work of an experienced, balanced practitioner who thoroughly knows what she's doing. This was my response in the first pages of Eliana Gil's book, Treating Abused Adolescents. I sat back and settled in with a sense of immediate confidence that I was being taught material I very much needed to learn. In addition to her understanding of the issues of adolescents and the impact of trauma on them, I appreciated Gil's clarity about her therapeutic stance in outlining her personal ideas about treatment. She lets us know what, in her own experience, determines her approach, and she summarizes theories that she finds particularly useful in working with this population. Beyond her extensive knowledge of the topic, what is most useful about this book is that Gil provides a hands-on guide to doing treatment. This book is highly useful, not only in treating adolescent trauma victims, but in working with adolescents in general. This book is important reading for all of us who work with families affected by trauma and abuse and, to my mind, is a major contribution to the literature on children and trauma.

What Parents Need to Know About Dating Violence : Learning the Facts and Helping Your Teen

by Barrie Levy, Patricia Griggans, Patricia Giggans

Offering information, advice, and real-life stories from parents and teens, a guide to dealing with dating violence discusses how to teach teens to protect themselves and build healthy relationships, describes resources available, and addresses special situations. The author of Dating Violence teams up with the executive director of the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women to offer parents and others who work with and care about teens supportive guidance about the difficult problem of teen relationships and violence.

In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships

by Barrie Levy

Trauma in the Lives of Children : Crisis and Stress Management Techniques for Teachers, Counselors, and Student Service Professionals

by Kendall Johnson

"Parents and teachers are frequently bewildered when faced with a traumatized child or group of distressed children. The information contained in this book will help adults so they do not have to stand idle while children suffer." - Jeffrey Mitchell, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of Emergency Health Services, University of Maryland

"Dr. Johnson, master teacher and therapist, is to be congratulated on an important contribution to the mental health literature. Trauma in the Lives of Children deserves to be read by every professional who cares for children in our troubled world." - Spencer Eth, M.D., Chief of Psychiatry, V.A. Medical Center, Los