It is important to redefine stalking

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alexandria

Posts: 8

Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2004 7:04 pm

Location: alexandria virginia

Post Fri Nov 12, 2004 6:20 am

It is important to redefine stalking

I would consider stalking to be any repeated contact or questions raised by a person who does not represent your interest. I think this covers former relationships, attempts to investigate you by those who have sinister motives and will cover everything short of employment investigations which are regultaed.
I think it is easier to prove stalking by an former spouse if children are not involved, the only solution is to never go anyplace alone for a period of time. Keep your witness nearby and continue beating on the doors of the police station. Find out grounds for restraining orders. (I have no choice but to travel about the city alone.I don't want a restraining order until I am able to move. I Do Sream "Go AWAY" and I do take photos. I tell people about it, which doesn't lend to enhancing anyones perception concerning my state of mind, but I have pro ven I am sane and my stalker has had electric shock treatments.
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Livinanyway

Posts: 6

Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:18 am

Post Tue Nov 30, 2004 1:06 am

I, too, have had to change my habits. I do not go anywhere alone if I can
help it. I think a lot of people do not understand until it starts happening to
them. At first, I ignored it, I denied it, and I told myself, "aw, you're just
overreacting." But after I started writing down the instances and after I
started taking the pictures, and after I began to realize that he and his
friends are serious stalkers I began taking the steps to keep myself and
my family safe. I am even taking self-defense classes and so if he ever
decides to kill me, like he said he would, I'll defend myself and take him
out in the process, if I have to. I have had to get tougher and shrewder
than that piece of garbage.

Unfortunately, ladies and gentemen, the world is a meaner and uglier
place then it has ever been. I am glad that I am a survivor and I am
glad to see others win over stalking and go on to have great lives.
All of us here deserve happy lives.
Stalked and Pissed!
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Coronado

Posts: 253

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 12:36 pm

Post Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:09 pm

Personally,
I believe that stalking should be redefined as "hunting". Because that is what is basically is. Someone hunts you like a wild animal, breaks down all of your privacy barriers, is intent on destroying you if he can't have you, and ironically would be just as intent on destroying you if he could. That is why we leave!

These people do not ever contribute to life, they tear it apart. Stalkers are grown men throwing a protracted temper tantrum all the while driving you indoors and causing you to eventually loose your life. The fact that this hideous act of abuse is not more strongly punished by our legal system appalls me. The fact that mental health professionals are often times completely in the dark about this issue astonishes me. And the fact that so many friends and family simply turn the other cheek in ambivalence, disbelief, or secret delight at your misery breaks my heart.

I believe that an education campaign is crucial. However, what I would really like to see is a massive fundraising, education, and rehabilitation campaign complete with services for stalking victims ranging from legal aide to detective work.

Perhaps I will start one.

Coronado

"But if only you could see them.You would know from their faces. There were kings and queens,
Followed by princes and princesses. There were future power people throwin love to the loveless.
Shining a light 'cause they wanted it seen" ~Seal
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Coronado

Posts: 253

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 12:36 pm

Post Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:34 pm

LOL, Alexandra,

I have been stalked for at least 18 months now and would gladly take the round of shock treatments in lieu of more stalking! Call me crazy...

Coronado
"But if only you could see them.You would know from their faces. There were kings and queens,
Followed by princes and princesses. There were future power people throwin love to the loveless.
Shining a light 'cause they wanted it seen" ~Seal
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walkaway

Posts: 276

Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2005 6:16 pm

Post Wed Apr 13, 2005 4:23 am

Coronado,
Thank you for your description - I think you're right on target. What amazes me is that it is so clear that anyone who stalks has a serious mental disorder, and absolutely needs treatment. I do not see this as much different than the case of sexual offendors or predators.

A 'stalking mentality' truly needs to be given a mental diagnostic code, as much as any other disorder, and there need to be specific treatments developed, communicated, and enforced, at least as part of a restraining order.

In my case, it is extremely difficult to conceive that my stalker has stalked only one person in his life. His stalking efforts are too calculated, organized, and require too much advance knowledge of what can and cannot be traced and tracked. He did not know me well enough, or long enough, for his stalking to be about me. It is clearly about something he carries within him.

Stalkers tend to be 'serial stalkers'. And there is no way to really determine who the next victim is.

There's a 'Volunteer' link on the left side of the Stalking Victim Sanctuary site - that links to a stalking awareness brochure, and asks you to make copies of the brochure and distribute to police, shelters, etc in your area. I think this is an excellent idea....something I am definitely doing this week.
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Coronado

Posts: 253

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 12:36 pm

Post Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:29 am

Walkaway,

Thanks for the suggestion. I will most definitely take a look. I truly believe that our current legislation or lack there of is absolute baloney. Much more needs to be done to generate public awareness and strengthen anti-stalking laws. Too many women are wasting away in their homes, and too many are dead. Someone once compared the act of stalking to that of a long slow rape. I agree but would like to add one caveat; some times the rapist kills you.

Coronado
"But if only you could see them.You would know from their faces. There were kings and queens,
Followed by princes and princesses. There were future power people throwin love to the loveless.
Shining a light 'cause they wanted it seen" ~Seal
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Sun May 01, 2005 8:23 pm

I believe the laws are there in the US at least. I think it is the inconsistancy in enforcing those law that are the problem.
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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Chazzy

Posts: 2068

Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:52 am

Post Mon May 02, 2005 11:47 am

I think it is the inconsistancy in enforcing those law that are the problem.


Without doubt that IS the problem and if there is any true intervention possible in stalking cases, it is when there is intervention in the beginning and unfortunately our legal system for some reason doesn't understand that and prefers to wait until the stalker "does something" despite the mere fact that the victim fears the stalker and that is the sole requirement for prosecution in most if not all of the laws.

I believe the only real solution is a federal law which covers both interstate and intrastate stalking but I have to question whether US Attorneys Offices would prosecute given the fact that only one US Attorney has filed charges under the sole federal law since it was enacted nine years ago.

Be it a total stranger or a spouse of 20 years the reality of stalking is that it is a predatory behavior and the dynamic involved is itself predatory.

The only thing a stalking victim should be required to "prove" is that the stalker was asked and then warned to stop and that despite that they continued to harass the victim. Unfortunately for some reason that is not acceptable to most prosecutors in this country.
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walkaway

Posts: 276

Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2005 6:16 pm

Post Mon May 02, 2005 5:56 pm

So many times, in seeing all the turmoil everyone here goes through, I want a listing on the web where we can state the stalkers' names. I realize there may be safety and legal issues involved in this, but it seems wrong for us all to go on hiding stalkers' identities, as if we're trying to protect them from harm. (even if it's us, individually, that we're trying to protect)

No, it doesn't just SEEM WRONG to hide stalkers' identities - IT MAKES ME FURIOUS.

From what I've read and experienced, my guess is that most stalkers are serial stalkers. It is a constant stalking mentality, and we are simply fill-in-the-blanks variables along the way.

How can we possibly let this same sickostalker go after someone else? After he's slashed our tires, or sent us hate mail, or caused real embarrassment at work, or made death threats?

I spent a fairly small amt of $ to find the name of sicko's ex-wife and his past residences - as a way to find out how potentially dangerous he might be, and for advice on how previous victim(s) of his stopped the stalking. I went to the ex-wife's large apt building, left a message w/the super, didn't get a call back, & took it no further. I didn't want to put the ex-wife through an ordeal, with a perfect stranger (me) contacting her about her RO against this stalker. But if there were a way for her or me, or any of us, to provide names, on our own - this could help tremendously.

The stalker in my case WILL stalk someone else, after he's done tossing me around as his current prey. His behaviours are too organized, calculated, etc - and his paranoia, delusions, borderline personality, etc too clearly defined - to have just been content stalking his ex-wife, and me - who he know all of what - 1.5 months?, before I said 'let's be friends'. Not about me, not about her - he'll do this on and on, until >>>> what?????

So what about a stalkers' name registry?
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Chazzy

Posts: 2068

Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:52 am

Post Mon May 02, 2005 6:13 pm

The problem with such a registry is that you could only identify those who were charged and the vast majority are never charged and so most people would not risk a lawsuit for libel by allowing names to be used on their website which is wise for two reasons. The obvious one and the not-so-obvious one. Which is that the stalker would use the situation to further stalk the victim by filing a lawsuit. And some victims have in fact ended up having to go to court in a libel suit brought by their stalker.

I personally have done everything but put up a billboard in my city and there truly is a line drawn in the sand so to speak and even those who would defend him more or less at this point accept the reality and the reality is that for four years a prominent attorney with a prominent law firm has stalked me and friends and associates of his have conducted a vendetta against me just simply because I said "no" and then filed complaints against him and while I feel "safe" in public at this point the reality is that on some level, he has actually enjoyed the "notoriety" because it has continued the dance.

That is really the main problem with such a registry. It is a reaction on the part of the victim. And music to the ears of the stalker. And as long as there is music, there is the dance.
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annanavikus

Posts: 6

Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 8:06 pm

Post Wed May 04, 2005 9:23 pm

It's like AIDS in a way

When someone has AIDS and they die, AIDS is not listed as the reason of death, the illness made possible by AIDS is listed on the death certificate. When a stalker stalks and is conviced he is most often conviced of a list of specific crimes, especially if he has been offered a plea bargain...

I say why not make the list? Especially if so much of your life has been lost. Why not retaliate? Think back to slaves in the 1800's. Stalking victims are like slaves held against their will. The stalker is invoking a psychological war against you. Think about people like Harriet Tubman who not only escaped but then helped others and pointed fingers at her oppressors. Think about Sojourner Truth or Mary Prince. They sure pointed fingers. How else to reclaim your identity? Don't let him have that even!
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Chazzy

Posts: 2068

Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:52 am

Post Thu May 05, 2005 12:00 pm

If Linden Gross were to allow us to name them on SVS I still would not simply because I believe it empowers and enables them on some level which sounds odd but that is the way I feel and I suspect many of the various professionals who work with stalking feel the same way as I do.

It also invites a lawsuit if they have not been charged with stalking and that again is merely a continuation of the dance and a way to drag you back to the dance floor. Even if they don't file one, it still is an acknowledgement of their power over you and your life.

One member of SVS did name her stalker here but she also had links to newspaper accounts verifying that he had been charged. He was acquitted and then continued to stalk her and still stalks her.

I have to wonder if he saw it if he merely took it as an indication that he still had control of her life on some level. I don't believe he does and I don't believe she believes that he does. But what matters is what he believes.

Apart from your own circle of family and friends and those people you do business with there really is no reason to name them "publicly" except as you say for revenge and there simply is no revenge possible for a stalking victim in terms of what we think of when we think of revenge.

There is only reaction in our pursuit of revenge which is the music to which the stalker dances and which is the music by which the stalker manages to lure us back to the dance floor.

There also has to be a point at which you respect the boundaries of the law even if the law does not respect you. That is another problem with regard to this. Once you start naming names, so to speak, some might justify their continued harassment in retaliation. An eye for an eye does not apply. Only the law. Which is not perfect. But is still the law.

I believe if there are restricted forums then it is alright to name them and I in fact have named mine on such a forum. But to do so on a public forum is to open a Pandora's Box which may prove to be a music box that once started can never be stopped. Personally the thought of dancing forever to a tango with a psycho is not very appealing.

If there is any revenge possible against a stalker, it is a revenge that simply comes from publicly ignoring them as if they don't exist. It stops the music. Which allows you to do the one thing they do not want you to do. Live your life again. You learn to live your life around them.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Document, document, document. At some point you have sufficient documentation. At which point you can simply just ignore, ignore, ignore.

I was told once by an attorney in the first stalking that there is no justice, only revenge. The best revenge for a stalking victim is simply to emerge from the ashes like a phoenix and continue on as if nothing had happened. And look upon it as a new life.

That seems impossible to do for most of us. But I have "been there, done that" and while I don't know that you truly "survive" a stalking, you do go on to a better life in some ways. The first step back to life is the hardest because of the ashes. Take a deep breath as someone once told me and then exhale as quickly and as forcefully as you can and watch most of the ashes simply disappear. And most of us find ourselves in the ashes. Even the "rich and famous" victims.

The phrase "waiting to exhale" was popularized by a film about women finding solidarity and freedom of spirit through their kinship with each other. It draws in some ways from a meditative technique in which you literally "exhale" all the negative energy buried deep inside of you. And then you "inhale" only positive energy that purifies every inch of your body and allows your soul to "breathe" again without the "congestion" of life. And perhaps without the "ashes" of life that are disbursed once we are able to finally exhale and "be done with it."

I believe in a way that "waiting to exhale" is the midpoint between laughter and tears that we sometimes find ourselves lost in. We seem unable to completely inhale or exhale. And we hyperventilate inside.

You do at some point learn to live again, to love again, and more importantly to trust again. And the stalking at some point becomes a vague memory and the stalker becomes someone you remember with a sense of sadness rather than anger.

As someone once told me "Life is fair, unfortunately it's filled with schmucks." And stalkers.

But it's also filled with victims. And one of the best ways to deal with being a victim is to reach out to another victim. And become a kindred spirit with them. Which is what SVS is all about. Kindred spirits.
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Beingstalked

Posts: 25

Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 1:05 am

Post Thu May 05, 2005 3:24 pm

Best Revenge is A Good Life

I really liked your post Chazzy. I think the best revenge is to ignore your stalkers (that is not to say don't document, don't report abuse etc., etc.) because that is what they want your attention. They want to make you feel as though they are dominating your life. My stalkers get worse every time I ignore them. They want attention sooo very badly. I've found reading inspirational books helps draw me out of their psycholand and helps me to focus on positive things. Having a good life is the best revenge.

If you are thinking of revenge you'd better dig two graves one for them & one for you.

don't know the author
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sidepart

Posts: 31

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:53 am

Post Thu May 05, 2005 4:19 pm

physical invasion

I haven't been physically raped but I have been really, really, really freaked out by the physical invasion I experience. My private life--keeping a journal or photos, changing my cloths, going to the bathroom, having relationships, having sex,...--all of this for me has been completely invaded by psychos. I am mortified to the point of numbness and acceptance but I find it impossible to ignore or get over it. I do not blame myself but what can you do? I try counseling but it is expensive and I have a hard time finding a therapist who can deal with stalking. It really is not an option right now.
I hate to bring it up because it really is rape to me and that is very hard to deal with.
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Gremma

Posts: 32

Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2004 7:50 pm

Post Thu May 05, 2005 5:13 pm

It's sickening to think of these stalkers going on to abuse someone else, but I don't think there's any way we could publish a list of them - a system like that would be too easy to misuse. A lot of the people here have talked about the lies their stalkers told about them – what's to prevent a stalker from adding one more lie to his repertoire and publishing his victim's name to the list? Or what if someone really is delusional and publishes her or his imagined stalker to the list?

I agree with those who've said that one thing we can do is educate the public about stalkers and stalking. Most people don't know much about it and aren't prepared to deal with it when it happens to them or to a loved one. If men and women knew the signs to look for they could take steps to avoid an abusive relationship before they get in too deep.

I know I'd have behaved very differently from the beginning if I'd known more about stalking and realized that the man's actions came from his desires to control and destroy. I thought he was genuinely paranoid and it was a long time before I realized that his claims of victimhood at my hands were just a cloak for his abusive behavior towards me. I kept making excuses for him and even called him a couple of times to try to reassure him that I wasn't trying to hurt him, which was like Edith Bunker (the dingbat on All in the Family), trying to reason with Tyrannosaurus Rex.

it is extremely difficult to conceive that my stalker has stalked only one person in his life. His stalking efforts are too calculated, organized, and require too much advance knowledge of what can and cannot be traced and tracked.


I've had the same thoughts about the man who stalked me. He's a predator and I know he's done similar things before. What I would really like is to talk to his other victims but I have no idea how to find them.
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walkaway

Posts: 276

Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2005 6:16 pm

Post Thu May 05, 2005 6:14 pm

I understand everyone's points about a public list - some stalkers could have a field day with it. So scratch the public list idea.

My entire purpose for having a stalkers' database would be to help future victims of that particular stalker - NOT to retaliate in any way against the stalker.

I think it would help to have some kind of private list, though - not avail to the general public - similar to the domestic violence registry list (of final restraining orders) that is avail only to police. I guess this has 2 parts:
1. Would need to be standard practice, when a person files a stalking incident report, for the police to search the domestic violence registry for the entire state (& beyond, if needed)
2. Would help if temporary restraining orders, & possibly staliking incident reports, and not just final restraining orders, were in this database.

The police detective who has been so helpful to me looked up wacko's previous RO - and told me that wacko's previous incidents - against his ex-wife - were a mirror image of the incidents I have filed. (I told the detective about wacko's ex-wife's RO - otherwise, I'm not sure anyone would have looked up wacko's history.)
This info helped 'put the nail in the coffin' for the detective - so he'd be willing to go the extra mile to do more investigations, if needed.[/list]
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Chazzy

Posts: 2068

Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:52 am

Post Thu May 05, 2005 8:57 pm

I have to ask the awful question of whether any of us would have believed that this special treat who walked into our lives had stalked someone else. Even if confronted by their parole officer with their lengthy arrest records in hand! I suspect we wouldn't have. Simply because we were already on the dance floor doing the tango with Svengali by the time someone would have warned us. In retrospect I was warned all three times. The gift of fear is something that sometimes those around us have as well. There was always someone else who picked up on something wrong the way I picked up on something wrong. But too late. I didn't listen to myself. And didn't listen to anyone else either. I was already on the dance floor before I even began to realize I had a bad feeling for a reason. When I realized that I still had a bad feeling.

You cannot save the world. You can only save yourself. The emphasis should not be on warning others about a particular person but rather warning others about the warning signals about people in general. That is how you stop someone else from being stopped. By making them aware that the gift of fear is indeed a gift that serves to protect all of us.

I think my situation is a good mirror of many stalkings and the urge to react and retaliate versus the ability to act and respond.

It is a thin line between the two. And not one I really can define for others. Or perhaps even for myself. I have been very vocal about someone who stalked me serving on the boards of two organizations that have been part of my life, one of which was founded by a friend of mine, but I said what I felt I needed to say and then moved on. I no longer support them, they know why I won't and my friends know why I won't. These two organizations made a choice to allow him to remain on their board. I and friends of mine made the choice not to support them further because of the signal it sends to him which endorses his actions. They believed his contributions exceeded mine. That is how they chose to deal with it. Money buys everything but a reputation. Mine is intact as far as I'm concerned. Theirs is not.

Some people would call that retaliation. I call it addressing a situation so I don't have to deal with being approached at some point by him or by someone acting on his behalf which still happens from time to time although it appears limited to his friend the congressman who seems to have no problem having people invite me to political fundraisers which are one of those red flags so to speak since I am not a politically involved person.

There are quite a few ramifications of my situation involving the political situation at this point and that has caused problems for me but far more problems for the congressman.

The element of "history" is important. I am not the first person who became of a victim of the congressman and his wife and their vendettas which usually are dismissed on the basis of "politics" which simply doesn't apply to me. Does it matter that anyone else was victimized? Not under the law. All that matters is my situation.

This man who stalked me has a history as well and I suppose I could have snooped around some more and found out what it was but it would have served no point. Knowing only that he had a history was sufficient for me to realize that when I made the decision to cut him out of my life that it was the correct decision. Knowing as I do now that he was online watching someone else stalk me only emphasizes the decision I made.

I finally realized that the red flags and alarm bells were my inner voice warning me and it is the inner voice that tells you to listen to the fear.

Some would say I went too far in my responding to the situation while others would say I didn't go far enough.

I cannot tell someone else what is right or wrong anymore than anyone can tell me. Each of our situations is so vastly different despite being the same. We are all stalking victims.

I could put up a billboard in my city and name all of these people and let the few people who don't know already what they've done to my life.

It would serve no purpose. Those who are part of my life know. Those are the people who need to know. No one else does. No one else cares.

Who they are is not important. What they did is. What I learned is important. What is important is to share what I've learned with others - when you have a bad feeling about someone, pay attention to it. Learn that fear is a natural instinct. A gift.

Stalkings do not evolve over time. They happen in a split second. And before we know it, we are on the dance floor. Sometimes we leave the dance floor quickly. Sometimes it is decades before we do.

I believe all of us had that bad feeling in that split second of time and for some reason we didn't pay attention. And we responded to someone without realizing we were reacting and turning on the music.

All I can do is to try to help others learn not to turn on the music. A list of people who have stalked others might prevent them from being stalked by someone on that list. But it won't stop them from being stalked by someone who isn't.

We are not here to focus on the stalkers. We are here to focus on the victims. And help each other as victims. And possibly help others to prevent their becoming victims.
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Fri May 06, 2005 11:14 pm

I agree...if we don't listen to ourselves, it is unlikely we will to listen to others. Unfortunately, even if you do a background check on someone...you are unlikely to find anything. I know my ex didn't have any police record before he met me...knowing things he has done, he should have had a record but he was good at manipulating people and the system. I think I am better prepared now to see those red flags that should be evident to us all. It doesn't sound very romantic but I think I might invest in a decent background check on someone I was getting seriously involved with anyone...not sure where I would start but I wouldn't rely on the inexpensive variety advertised on the internet. If anyone does a background check on Dip...they should find his stalking conviction...but there is no guarantee they would even find that. I can't even find his appeal through searching the internet even though I know where it is...it doesn't come up.
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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Chazzy

Posts: 2068

Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:52 am

Post Sat May 07, 2005 4:50 pm

The problem with "background checks" is they are not always reflective of a person or their background. If I had done one instead of just wondering why a powerful attorney with a powerful law firm was on the internet and wanting to meet me and wanted to make sure I knew who he was by leaving his name and number on my caller id, what would I have found out? That he was a powerful attorney with a powerful law firm. And probably not much more than that. But who knows what has been covered up through the years? When I finally contacted friends of my family who knew his family, the two people I called were not surprised by any of this. Something in fact happened while he was in high school according to one who couldn't remember what it was but did remember that his family "moved on" not long after. I never followed up to find out what exactly happened. It didn't matter. Being told by two people who knew him and his family that they weren't surprised by his stalking me was really all I needed to know. It sent the same chill up my spine as the night I first met him. Something very, very wrong.

I talked briefly with him on the internet and then he called and the name and number on the caller id was the first red flag that I didn't pay attention to. Instead it piqued by curiosity. Which is what he wanted. I didn't stop to think that most attorneys, let alone most powerful attorneys, would not a total stranger on the internet to know who they were.

I agreed to meet him later and had given him my "second ring"number and dismissed him as another idiot on the internet that I would never hear from. I came home and found he had not only called but was still online waiting for me. I left the Yahoo messenger window open, perhaps subconsciously, and so the Yahoo messenger window was still open when I returned. And then I noticed the light flashing on the caller id. I picked up the telephone directory and recognized the business address listed along with his residence address and then pulled up the website for the law firm. And I typed in "Are you ...?" and he typed in yes almost immediately. That was the second red flag. The biggie. He had been sitting there waiting almost three hours for me to return. It sent a chill up my spine and yet I proceeded to open Pandora's Box and found myself dancing with Svengali before I even realized it.

I was just recovering from having been assaulted and terrorized for two years by someone whom the FBI was looking for. When he assaulted me no one knew that he was using an assumed name. Complete with driver's license and social security number. He had called once and there was a different name on the caller id. When I gave that to the police and they put in the computer base, it set off alarms so to speak all over the place. I suspect he is in a witness protection program. I was told he is in prison in Georgia. He may be. But under a new name.

Background checks mean nothing in many cases. Things can be covered up. And are. Nothing works better than just listening to your inner voice. In fact it is probably the only thing that works.

A stalker knows which buttons to push and when to push them and how to push them to get you to react. And once you do, the music starts.

The only thing that ends a stalking is to turn the music off which is so hard for a stalking victim to do. Why is that?
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upperhand

Posts: 117

Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2003 10:28 pm

Post Sat Jun 11, 2005 2:11 pm

Re: physical invasion

sidepart wrote:I haven't been physically raped but I have been really, really, really freaked out by the physical invasion I experience. My private life--keeping a journal or photos, changing my cloths, going to the bathroom, having relationships, having sex,...--all of this for me has been completely invaded by psychos. I am mortified to the point of numbness and acceptance but I find it impossible to ignore or get over it. I do not blame myself but what can you do? I try counseling but it is expensive and I have a hard time finding a therapist who can deal with stalking. It really is not an option right now.
I hate to bring it up because it really is rape to me and that is very hard to deal with.


If it helps, I've noticed a growing awareness of this problem in the past year or so.

I've been living with it for most of my life, and I find that if you find community who believe you, support you and work to raise awareness, you will not feel discouraged.

Don't get discouraged - get angry!

The most important thing is to educate yourself and to share information about stalkers' tactics. I would recommend learning as much as you can about tactics and psychology - psychopathic personalities, abusers' psychology.

Discouragement and depression are just what they want, because that's just more ammunition that they can use against you - and they will use anything and everything against you.

I could write a book about this stuff...I don't think enough has been said, but this website is a godsend.

Good luck to you.
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sidepart

Posts: 31

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:53 am

Post Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:21 pm

I won't give up.

Thank you upperhand. Sorry I did not respond to your post right off. I try to navigate through the site without missing things but I still do. Also, I think my post might have been a bit off from the topic but, anyways, I am getting more involved with online help and I find any sort of group therapy (ie: simply talking about it) to help buckets.
I won't give up. Thanks again.

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